she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
