You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
