Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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