The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
