Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
