I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
