Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
