I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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