Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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