i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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