please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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