He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Randomize
