Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
