I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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