I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
