I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
