fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
