You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
