I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Boobs speak an international language.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
