please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
