U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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