I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
