If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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