just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You need Xanax blowdarts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
