She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
