My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
