dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How many fucks given?
0.12846
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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