i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
