Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
