So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
