I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
