i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
