Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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