So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
