Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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