the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
