Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
