morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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