I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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