i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
