I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
