god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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