C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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