As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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