he shaved USA in his pubs
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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