I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
