How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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