Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
