she smelled like a LAN party
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
