i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
