Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
