So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
