Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
