i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
