I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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